Life Philosophy

Think?

Do you think?

Believe?

Do you believe?

Know?

Do you know?

To think is to

believe and to

believe is to know.

Written Junior Year of High School

Who am I and who am I becoming?

I am me and that me is daughter, sister, mother, wife, lover, friend, creative soul, crone, teacher, companion, listener, advocate, and Yaya (aka Grandmother).

I am becoming more the crone, gaining wisdom and understanding about how life is and ways to live life to the fullest without losing those things that are an intricate part of who I am already.


What are my guiding beliefs and values?


Do what thou will, harm none. I believe that I am a small intricate strand, of the great tapestry of life, that it is continuously being woven and the pattern changes with each decision that we make. I believe in fate with flexibility. I value the ability to communicate and connect with others, the opportunity to help those around me, and the experiences of life that allow us to give voice to who we are. I value family and friends that are as good, if not better, than family. I value the support, security, and trust that goes with being surrounded by those that care and want me to grow as a person. I value the connection that I have with my husband and the honesty and understanding that we have built together over the years. I value who I am.


What motivates and inspires me?


When I see an opportunity to help others I am motivated to find ways to do so. When I am encouraged by those that are a part of my life to accept new experiences and take on challenges I am motivated to do so. When I think of what my future holds for me if I continue on the path that I have chosen I am motivated to lengthen my stride and keep moving forward.


What do I need to do to take responsibility for my life?


I need to make sure that I have the proper foot holds and hand holds for climbing my cliff, that there are ledges for me to rest on and take sight of my progress, and that I become an active participant in my own life. One goal at a time, in a time that is reasonable, and keep sight of the bigger picture.


What is my life purpose-what am I here to contribute?


My purpose is to weave my way through life in a way that I connect with others and they connect with me, creating a network that is strong and supportive, and provides warmth and understanding through living.


What kind of world do I want to live in?


I want to live in a world that is open to all walks of life, without judgement, contempt, greed, or underhanded behavior. I want to live in a world that lives by the belief, "Do what thou will, harm none."


What will I do to leave the world a better place?


I will make a conscious effort to be impeccable with my word, not assume, remember it is not all about me, and to do my best. These are the four agreements as written by Don Miguel Ruiz in his Toltec Wisdom book, The Four Agreements. I will remember to be respectful of Mother Earth and help to keep her safe and healthy. I will teach my children, grandchildren, and those that I come in contact with the importance of living life in this way. Through these conscious efforts I will leave the world a better place.


Things to remember...
Everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything.


Bubble Blowing 101
Bubbles cause you to control your breathing, focus, and release. With every bubble blow out those thoughts and feelings that need to go, let them fly away in the breeze, pop and disappear.


Your best differs from dad to day. It's important to do the best you can for that day, at that time.


Fate is flexible.

Maiden, Mother, Crone; Trust Your Tapestry

Everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything. Do what thou will, harm none. Never say you’re sorry; sorry falls between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. Don’t believe everything you here; being gullible is not attractive. Take ten seconds before opening your mouth and speaking; is what you have to say necessary? Will it improve the silence? Some people need a thought to speech filter that is more than ten seconds. Before asking for help doing a task remember the ten percent rule; you have to be ten percent smarter than anything you are trying to do. It isn't what you want in life that is important. Just because you want it, it doesn't mean you need it; want in one hand, spit in the other, and see which hand gets full first. As a Maiden life begins to unfold for you; you change and experience feelings and thoughts that are knew; if you uncross your legs you are inviting trouble. The first time is a mistake, an accident; the second time is on purpose.  When you do uncross your legs know what you are getting into you; wrap it before you tap it. Maybe that should have been said before the first time I had sex and got pregnant. Before you leave a loved one make sure that you have said good-bye on a happy note and without bad feelings; it may be the last time you see them. If the person you are angry or upset with were to die would you want that to be the last thing you say to them? How important is the thing they did that made you angry or upset? Letting go of the negative and holding onto the positive will make the things in life easier to accept and deal with. Easier until all the little things that got swept under the rug create a bump, a bump big enough to trip over.  There are consequences to uncrossing your legs. Can you imagine yourself growing old with that person? Can you deal with all the little things that they do, everyday, all day, and not lose your sanity? Careful of that bump in the rug. Everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything. Always dress in a way that you will not visually offend others; your clothes should fit without fitting so tight that they show off the rolls that Mother Nature has provided as life progresses; the only one that wants to see the maps of motherhood that have been stretched into your belly is the one that you are with intimately. Don’t dress like a hooker unless you are a hooker and you want to be known as a hooker. Find your style and wear it with confidence. It is not always easy to be comfortable in your own skin. There are lots of should do, should be, should want, should feel; those things that should are not always the same for every person and you should not do, be, want, or feel just because someone else tells you that you should. Would that be like jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge just because everybody else is? Be the best you that you can be for as long as you can be.  It is not all about you. People have their own stuff going on and it is theirs, not yours, so don’t take it personally because it is not all about you. If you assume things you are asking to be wrong. Ask, don’t assume. Your word is just that, your word. Make sure that your word is worth its weight. When you are saying things just to please others and what you are saying is not honest or felt then you are asking for trouble. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Doing and saying things to make others happy all the time will harm more than help. Know the you that you are and be willing to accept it or work to change it. Everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything. Give your all to all you do; if a job is worth doing then it is worth doing well. Once you have uncrossed your legs they will never go back together. Some things just feel too good to not do them. Know what you are willing to do. As Mother you will connect with your child as you have connected with no other. You will feel all that they feel and suffer as you allow them to become an independent individual. Know that you have done your part in providing them with what they need to make it in the world. This would be one of the “do your best” moments in life.  Once you have a child you will understand what it is to have no control. Letting go is not always easy. Doing what is right for yourself is not always right for those you love. Always be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions. No two people are alike, no two people believe the same, and no two people see the world the same way. Finishing someone else’s sentences because you know them so well is something worth experiencing. To love someone forever is subject to change; not everyone’s forever is the same. I will love him for as long as our forever is. Going against your own values will cause you to question all that you have ever believed, require you to reevaluate your values, and cause you to distrust yourself until you accept a new set of values. Growing as a person can cause you to outgrow those you love and care for. A Mother will do for her child above and beyond that which she would do for others. As a Mother, remember to allow your child to grow and learn and experience their own mistakes and the consequences of those mistakes, so that they may be a stronger, more confident person in the end. Watching your child make mistakes can break a Mother’s heart. You are one person with many hats; make sure that all the hats you wear fit you. As a Yaya you will be able to share your gathered knowledge and take on the role of Crone in the way Mother Nature intended you to; with patience and understanding you may offer advice and share your experiences; your story changes, your song expands, and your sense of self becomes more acute as you see the world as Crone. Trust your tapestry. The threads may seem all asunder, mayhem may be the view, however, if you step back and don’t look so close, you will be able to see the bigger picture, the many scenes that have made your life your own, and you will know; everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything.

History Lesson of My Life

Born to a mother that had already given birth to seven other children and had not intended on adding an eighth. My early childhood was spent living by the river, living in a rural area of Ohio (is there any area of Ohio that is not rural?), and being the product of a "broken home".

How many eight year olds get to experience driving across country in a station wagon with two older sisters, a cousin's girlfriend, the family dog, a mother, and all that your family owned? I know of one such eight year old. My mother drove us from Ohio to Oklahoma, through the Painted Desert and Petrified Forest, through the Red Woods, into Reno, and on to Oregon; our final destination.

A single mom with three daughters in a small town in Oregon that had a surprising amount of Ohio transplants. And these were not just any Ohio transplants; these were people my mother had known that were either family, friends of family, or people that were family of friends.

At fourteen I experienced sex for the first time. I experienced being with child. At fourteen I gave birth to the first of three sons. There is more to this story and a story I will share, however, here it is only a history lesson and that lesson is an outline of my history.

Graduation from high school with a diploma and a three year old son was an accomplishment or so I have been told. With the help and support of my mother and other relatives I was able to stay in school, get decent grades, and be social enough to not feel that I was an outcast for having had my son. He was a part of my class, he was a part of my extra curricular activities, and he was adored by all who had the opportunity to be around him.

A week after turning eighteen I became involved with the man I would spend the next twenty plus years with, have two sons with, and be dependent on in ways that were not always healthy.

So much bouncing around from one small community to another, raising the boys into young men, becoming a Yaya (aka grandmother), and finding my way to college for the first time made for a life that seemed to be anything but my own.

This history lesson of me is an outline on a time line of my life. There are so many threads that are woven together, twisted and inner twined, that create the tapestry that has been my life. As this blog grows and progresses there will be elaborations on events of the past, situations of the present, and the dreams for the future.