Ever feel that someone is doing or saying something just to rub gravel in open wounds? Ever feel that they enjoy using tweezers to dig it back out for you, as if they were being helpful and caring? Ever feel that you take things too personal even when you know that life is not "all about you" and that "it's not personal"?
When I hear key phrases they are taken more personal than they are intended and it feels like I am skidding across a road after a crash and gravel is being ground into the cuts and scrapes that have occurred. When I say something about how I feel about things that are said I sometimes feel that tweezers are being used to dig out the gravel and sometimes the digging goes deeper and more frequent than it needs to. What I do realize is that these things that are being said are not meant to cause me more pain or to make me feel the way I do; these things that are being said are to keep the other person from feeling more pain and to protect them from things others might say or think, so when I feel that the gravel is in the open wound I need to stop and step back and remember the facts and do my best to not take it so personal.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Rocks, Water, and Pavement
When a person does something that causes major trust issues in a long term relationship there are rippling affects that are caused by the throwing of that rock into the calm waters that was their relationship. Just like any other rock thrown in any other water the closest ripples are big and recognizable, the further from the source the ripples get the harder they are to see and recognize as ripples from that specific rock. When several rocks of various sizes are throw close together the affects overlap and things really get difficult to recognize as an affect, but an affect they are, and that means that those ripples are a consequence of those throws and they need to be dealt with as such.
The ripples that I am dealing with are the ripples of many rocks. This past year I threw a lot of rocks; some rocks were thrown really close together and others were thrown here and there. The ripples flowed out from their source and they started to overlap and they created smaller ripples that took off in different directions and some made long reaching and long lasting ripples that have caused a constant state of questioning and a constant state of worry.
Not all of the rocks that were thrown were my rocks. Some belonged to others that are near and dear to me and others belonged to people that have felt that they were helping and others belonged to ones that thought they were doing what was right for them. Those other rocks made ripples that crashed into ripples that I had made and the affect created from those ripples cause frustration and a sense of lose. Those that threw the rocks have felt their own ripples and own affects but they have not understood how their actions have affected me on a deeper level, a more emotional level, a level that has caused a sense of living in a bubble of secrecy to protect the possibilities of mending my wrongs and creating a future within the relationship that was most affected by my actions. These rock throwers, these ripple makers, these good-intention people (the road to hell is paved with good intention) have made so many ripples and so many different affects that there are moments that I feel that it is going to take a lifetime to recover from the combined damage caused by them and by me.
The fact that there are fears that others will continue to throw rocks when they feel the need and that their rocks will continue to cause ripples that will continue to affect how my relationship develops, how my relationship mends, and whether I am going to be able to have a relationship at all as time ticks on causes me to want to tell each and every one of them personally to butt out, back off, and put your rocks down and let us do what we are going to do and deal with us the way we need to deal with us because we have so many years invested and we have a connection, many connections, that are never going to be able to be understood by others, and we need the opportunity to sort through our own thoughts and feelings and make our own conclusions and learn to trust our instincts and emotions again. With outside interference the ripples will never die down, we will never stop feeling their affects, and life will become too full of outside interference that we will not be able to tell whether the thoughts in our head are our own or if they were seeds planted by those that are working on paving a road to hell for us.
The ripples that I am dealing with are the ripples of many rocks. This past year I threw a lot of rocks; some rocks were thrown really close together and others were thrown here and there. The ripples flowed out from their source and they started to overlap and they created smaller ripples that took off in different directions and some made long reaching and long lasting ripples that have caused a constant state of questioning and a constant state of worry.
Not all of the rocks that were thrown were my rocks. Some belonged to others that are near and dear to me and others belonged to people that have felt that they were helping and others belonged to ones that thought they were doing what was right for them. Those other rocks made ripples that crashed into ripples that I had made and the affect created from those ripples cause frustration and a sense of lose. Those that threw the rocks have felt their own ripples and own affects but they have not understood how their actions have affected me on a deeper level, a more emotional level, a level that has caused a sense of living in a bubble of secrecy to protect the possibilities of mending my wrongs and creating a future within the relationship that was most affected by my actions. These rock throwers, these ripple makers, these good-intention people (the road to hell is paved with good intention) have made so many ripples and so many different affects that there are moments that I feel that it is going to take a lifetime to recover from the combined damage caused by them and by me.
The fact that there are fears that others will continue to throw rocks when they feel the need and that their rocks will continue to cause ripples that will continue to affect how my relationship develops, how my relationship mends, and whether I am going to be able to have a relationship at all as time ticks on causes me to want to tell each and every one of them personally to butt out, back off, and put your rocks down and let us do what we are going to do and deal with us the way we need to deal with us because we have so many years invested and we have a connection, many connections, that are never going to be able to be understood by others, and we need the opportunity to sort through our own thoughts and feelings and make our own conclusions and learn to trust our instincts and emotions again. With outside interference the ripples will never die down, we will never stop feeling their affects, and life will become too full of outside interference that we will not be able to tell whether the thoughts in our head are our own or if they were seeds planted by those that are working on paving a road to hell for us.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Screw the Roses
There are those that are all about the soft and sweet, the tender and touchy, and the sensual and sultry, then there are those that want to feel things in ways that make their world rock and roll and send them reeling with pleasure. Those are the one's that stand up and shout, "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns"!
I know which one I am. Do you?
I know which one I am. Do you?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
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