Needle and Thread, No Scissors

The tapestry that is my life, the complete story of who I am, has knots and tangled threads that are ugly and make it hard to focus on the bigger scheme of the story; instead the focus keeps coming back to that ugly mess in my tapestry. The first thirty-nine years of the tapestry has very few knots and tangles. The ones that are there are mostly from my childhood and none are as eye catching as the most recent ones.
It is like they say it only takes one "oh shit" to undo a lifetime of "atta boys". My "oh shit" was more than some are willing to forgive. The thing that I need to remember is that there is only two people in the world that need to consider forgiving my "oh shit" and those two people are me and Jeffrey, no one else's forgiveness really matters. I am not saying that I don't want them to forgive me; I am saying that I am focusing on gaining forgiveness from myself and from Jeffrey. I am not asking to forget, only to forgive, and through that forgiveness work on focusing on the future of the tapestry that is my life and allowing the eyes to see what is possible and imagine a life full of trust and happiness between Jeffrey and me.
I have no way to cut the knots and tangles from my tapestry. To do so would be to unravel all that was, all that is, and all that could be. There are no scissors, only needle and thread to clean up the view around the knots and tangles and the loom to weave what is left to weave of the tapestry of my life.