Set in stone.
A rock unknown.
A glimmer of hope. A gleam of fear.
There was a time we were so near.

Defuse?

The inside maze has walls created with slide shows of the  past and as I move forward, or what seems to be forward, I am bombarded with visions and audio replays from days gone by. The problem with these playbacks is that they cause my heart to pound so hard that the sense of inevitable doom spits and hisses its way through me like the long fuse slithering its lit flame closer and closer to the sticks of dynamite that are neatly and tightly wrapped together for greater impact and there is nothing to be done to stop this "self fulfilling prophecy of destruction".

May the Day 14 are We to Be "A Year and a Day"

There it was that moment. That time that I had held in my minds eye as being something somewhere special with another round about my finger.
It was different. Not so different. More personal. It meant the world and all it was was more real than a moment is expected to be.
The tears they fell. Unstoppable soft sobs of over flowing gratitude and joy and love and hope for what may become of us. The arms they held so tight, not wanting to let go.
There was that underlying fear that it was a dream and not going to be real in the morning.
Then the understanding blanketed over me and covered me with the warmth of the forever that we still have and how that forever is our own once again.

Accentuation

Out of words
Outwards
What words would hold the wards to the out?
The way in is round about
Go through the fence
Theatrically fencing
Fending past the past
Turning the corner
Trudging up hill
Climbing rock walls
Each hand hold a hand to hold
Each foot hold a firm foundation
Each step an accentuation
Find the way up
Out of the quagmire of what once was
Inward and upward
Outwards
Out of words

The mind; it plays tricks on the heart. 
The heart; it teases the soul.
The soul; it clings to the familiar.
The familiar; it is ever changing.


As if there were a thing to do that would make the world right, I sit and think and plan and play memories, like movies, in my mind. Each reel has many frames and each frame is left to individual interpretation. The problem that arises from individual interpretation is that no two individuals interpret a frame the same way. Personal feelings, thoughts, and preformed notions smudge the frames; when the reel is replayed the scenes are different, the words are different, and the concepts and ideas that are held are different. 
One can try to explain their perception of the movie, how it affects them, and why they interpret it a certain way; in the end, there is only the heart that holds the key to where the mind takes the soul and what changes occur from one frame to the next. The ever changing scenes are pieced together frame by frame by the heart and the desires of the heart and as a result the mind is forced to interpret the frames a specific way and that in turn tangles the soul with threads from here and there and everywhere as the familiar fades to fantasy and reality is woven into what dreams of truth each individual holds.
What happens when you wake from your dream? 

How Can I Change What Has Been?

Time has come and gone and those things that have happened can not be undone, can not be changed, can not be taken back. No matter how much regret a person has about things said and things done that regret does not change the past.
I am unable to make the pain and hurt go away if you want to hold onto it and dwell on it and keep it close to you. I am unable to make you let go of the past and grasp at the future if the past is what you want to live in.
I can only do so much. I can only try so hard. I can only be the better me that I am trying to be and hope that it is enough for you to love.

Wonder Why?

You wonder why?
Why do I get worked up over it?
Why do I let it get to me?
Why does it matter if I trust you?

You wonder why?
Why do I continually bring up the same thing over and over?
Why do I take it personal?
Why does it cause jealousy?

You wonder why?
Why am I still here?
Why don't I go if it bothers me so much?
Why try if I don't seem to trust?

You wonder why?
I'll tell you why.
I get worked up over it being kept as a 'secret'.
I let it get to me because I want you to be mine again.
It matters because I am still working on trust with you.
I continually bring the same thing up over and over because it continually happens over and over.
I take it personally because I feel you are intentionally sabotaging us.
It causes jealousy because  I love you and feel that you are choosing this 'friendship' over our relationship.
I am still here because I know that I have hurt you in the past and that I came to realize what I was doing to you and that maybe you will come to realize what you are doing to me someday too.
I don't go even though it bothers me because that would mean that I am giving up on us and I am not willing to give up on us.
I keep trying because I want to trust completely again and to know that we are one again.

You wonder why?
I will tell you why.
You are a part of me and will always be a part of me.
You make me feel amazing in ways that no other will ever be able to do.
You are worth the wait.