I Think...I Believe...I Know

I think:
words hold meaning
words give hope
words make a difference
words cause a forced perspective
words provide clarity

I believe:
every person you care for should hear you tell them how you feel (don't assume they realize the depths of        
                                                                  your feelings for them or how their existence impacts your life)
every emotion you bury inside only helps to dig you a deeper emotional grave

every moment should be used to show and to tell those around you how you really feel

every day is a day to live life the way you want to live it

every time you let a moment pass by without truly living your own life is a time that can not be lived

I know:
the past cannot be changed
the present lays the foundation for the future
the future is what you make it by being present in the present

hold...give...make...cause...provide
person...emotion...moment...day...time
past...present...future

Conclusion:
Living life in the present, acknowledging the now and all the emotions and events being experienced, allows hope for a future and allows happiness in the moment.
The personal meanings behind words can change over time, understanding the change and accepting the change, allows for the use of those words in the present.
I am grateful for all the blessings in my life and the chance to continue to change and live and learn to be the me that is full of possibility and potential and loved by those that share my life.

Long way home

Long way home
   Traveling on hands and knees
        Every day is please...please...please
                                        And thank you
I want to be with you
   Told not to dwell on the past
                         But every turn
                               Brings back a sin...a wrong
                               All the things I've done
Reminding me of the pain
      And hurt I've wrung
                     From you--I've put you through

      What am I to do
    When all I want to
                  Say is...I love you

I'm on my feet
        Ready to meet
             Each moment of each day
        I'm on my way
        My way home
              I apologize with every breath
              I know the past can't be undone
                         Things said can't be taken back
                                              Can't be unheard

What am I to do
   When all I want to do
         Is stay with you

The maze of madness
       The labyrinth full of
              Closed doors and dead ends
                   Navigating my way home
I've traveled on hands and knees
                            I'm on my feet
            Step by step
I move closer to you
                         closer to home

What am I to do
   When all I want from you
               Is to hear you say
                                     I love you

Actions speak louder than words
                             this I've heard
             But they don't take the place
                 Of how my heart will race
              When you speak to me
                When you use the key
                              And say those three
                                      Words...words...words

Song from the Heart

On this day
   Let me say
I am here in the present
                in the present
Being with you
          through and through
     When I feel this way
      It is here    I     want to stay

Those words
    Those phrases
        The day-to-day
     They sound cliche
These words
    These phrases
        I'm here to say

I love you     I love you
     I love you this day
     I love you and I'm   here   to   stay
                                    here   to   stay

The past is the past
   No changing what was
Living in the now
              the now
     because     because
Being with you
          fills me up
                makes me smile
                     wanna go that extra mile
Done living in the past
   I'm living in the now
         I'm learning how
               I'm letting go
         Of those memories whoo...oo...oo
                       I'm living in the now
          this is how

I love you     I love you
     I love you this day
     I love you and I'm here    to   stay
                                  here   to   stay
                  to   stay          to stay

I love you     I love you
     I love you this day
                     this day     this      day

Choose to View

2013

Beginnings and endings

                           Wondering and wandering

Each day is not "Groundhogs Day"

     Each day is a new day

          Each day is not a "do-over"

     Each day is a day to "keep moving forward"

Each day, every day, any day is a day to explore life

     delve into the unknown

           make it a day different than the rest

Believe that you are in charge of your life 

                                                      that you create your own reality

                                      how you choose to view the world

                           limits how you choose to view who you are

Intended Meaning?

Speaking does not mean the words are heard.
Hearing the words does not mean listening.
Listening to the words does not mean understanding.

Say what you mean and mean what you say?
Even when you say what you mean there is a chance that the person(s) hearing are not listening; if they are they may not be taking your meaning for what is meant, but instead for what they feel it means, and that is "a failure to communicate" (Cool Hand Luke).

Thoughts that are spoke to ones self can fall prey to this same folly of failure in ones own mind.
The things you tell yourself may not be what you mean to tell yourself, but they are felt and interpreted that way; the wrong way.
Those voices in your head, those counterfeit people you have created from those that are a part of your life and keep them locked away in your mind, and that inner critic that is too critical are all ways that you allow for self-doubt and tangling of words with meaning.

Intoning. Intention. Inflection. What did you mean by that? How do you want others to take your words?
The subtle differences in pitch, in volume, in tone, or in body language when you say words makes others take them to mean different things.
How sarcastic did you intend what you said to be? How sincere were your words?

If you have to explain yourself to others does that mean that you are a poor communicator? Does it mean they are a bad listener? Or, does it conclude that each person is an individual with their own personal thoughts, feelings, and concepts on what is and is not and therefore they presume the words fit their way of thinking and what is felt by them; ego, angst, and pride may play a part in the picking and choosing of the meant that they take from your meaning.

How do we make those we care for understand the deeper meaning behind our words? How do we help them to comprehend what we really want them to hear?

Emotion can be put into words. Those words can be put down on the page. The pages can be read. In the reading of those words the meaning can be lost. "There lies the rub" (Hamlet); if the meaning is not lost then it is surely bent in the direction of presumed-intent.

Said in Silence

There have been things done

            Things said

            Things in general

                        If there is any meaning to ‘general’

                        Then life’s day-to-day

                                    It fits the definition of ‘general’

            This day          that day           every day         any day           some day

Some days I feel more lost than others

            It is a path that I chose to take

                        Got part way down it and turned around

                                    Rushed back

                                    Trying to follow the bread crumbs

                                                The birds

                                                It must have been the birds

                                                            The loons

                                                They stole the crumbs

                                                Every last one of them

                                    Looking for clues

                                    Searching for the way home

                        The clouds threaten to wash away any trace

                                    Any hint          any bit or piece

                                    All those things that assist me

                        The breeze bleats for my haste

                                    Hurry               hurry               away                gone away

                        Mother Nature this thing I beg of thee

                                    Help me           help me           help me please

                                    Show me the way

                                                Steps to take

                                                            My way home

                                    Help me           help me           help me please

                                    Listen to my cries

                                                Hear my sighs

                                                            Know my regret for wrongs done

                                    Help me           help me           help me please

                                    The crumbs were stolen away

                                                Blown away

                                                            Gone without a trace

                                    Help me           help me           help me please

                                    Those words spoken

                                                Daggers of silence

                                                            Drain tears from my eyes

                        Mother Nature

                                    This I ask of you…what to do?

                                    Guide me where I need to go

                                    Lead me to where I need to be

By thee, Air

that is her breath

By thee, Fire

                                                                        that is her warmth

By thee, Water

                                                                        that is her life

By thee, Earth

                                                                        that is her body

                                               

Falling... A Way

So goes the trickling
   along the walls
   around the edges
   over the rocks
           the twigs
           the tree trunks
bursting from the Earth
     dirt dangling
      scent of forest floor
               fills the senses
      digging its way back
to a time     in this place     years before
     stopping along the roadside
          walking down
          the loose gravely incline
               that led to the water's edge
               where it flowed through the culvert
                            under the road
                and       into the river
Picking my way across the rocks
as the water worked to cause me to lose my balance
trying to get me to tumble in
     and      force me to be drenched in shame
I find my way to the other side and begin my ascent to the water fall at the top
I grab at limbs
     push each footstep firmly down
     pulling and climbing the precarious pathway
knowing that there is a tranquil pool at the top
knowing that the gentle trickling that I hear is there not here
     not at the bottom
     not in this gloom covered by a canopy of conifers
and      a landscape of up rooted and totted remains
     Slip...slide...grab...good save
The mist from the rush of the water sprinkles the ground
Being sure footed is not a sure thing
     The mind is not able to lose itself and wander over the dreadful beauty of the wonder of nature
     On task, focus, every step...
     assist as the ascent ends
     and      a cold pool of pain pleasures
                with possibilities that my life still harbors.